i guess it's a laundry day

I have learned a lot in my four and a half short months of being a mom. I've learned I can spend Vera's entire nap just staring at her. I've learned there is no such thing as a "quick trip" anywhere anymore. I've learned how to do a lot of things carrying Vera around with me (like writing this post).

And no matter how many times Vera reminds me, I always seem to forget this -- that no matter what my to-do list may look like when we get up in the morning, there's a pretty good chance that Vera's to-do list is not the same.

Take yesterday for example. I had grand plans of going to the grocery store and Michael's. Of working on Vera's homemade gifts. Of cleaning the bathrooms. You know, really glamorous things. What did I actually do? I sat on the couch and held Vera while she napped. She wanted nothing more than to be held while she napped. And when she was awake? She wanted nothing more than to be held. I did eventually embrace the day as it was and was able to enjoy the extended time just cuddling with my daughter but for a little bit of time I was really feeling like it was throwing a wrench into my day. And even as I type that "throwing a wrench into my day" I realize how silly it is. In a short time she will be too big to cuddle as she naps and I need to cherish these days as they come.

Today has turned into an impromptu laundry day. I've gotten into the habit of feeding Vera in my bed in the morning. It's just so much easier to go into her room to get her and change her and then climb back into bed. Anyway, she was eating this morning just like usual and then it was time to burp her. I try to really pay attention to her when I do this because there have been times when she spits up and it goes everywhere. Can you guess what kind of morning it was today? Yup, suddenly she burps and out the spit up comes and I felt it run down my back and pool on the sheets. Is it gross that I didn't move? I mean she still had to finish eating, so there we sat. Go ahead, be grossed out. Laundry has now been added to today's to-do list (or is it yesterday's to-do list?).

One of the most important things I learned as a teacher was to not be disappointed when I didn't get to everything in a single lesson. Or to not be caught off guard if I got through everything and still had 20 minutes left. It was all about being flexible and knowing what my students needed. I need to remember this more now. I have such a gift to be able to be home with Vera and I need to enjoy every day of it. I know that each day will bring its joys and challenges, but I can't be so preoccupied with a to-do list that I don't truly enjoy it all.

After all, to-do lists should just be suggestions for our days, not requirements.

creativity 101

If I sat down and made a list of all the things I am good at, crafts could be found nowhere on the list. It wouldn't even make its way to things I am kind of good at. Plain and simple, I'm just not that crafty. Although once in awhile I will hit the jackpot.

If you come to our house you will notice a stepping stone outside our front door. It says trust in the middle (fondly referred to as the trust rock). Well, I made this with some college girlfriends about 5 or 6 years ago and let me tell you, it looks pretty good. I guess that could be obvious by the fact that it has sat outside my front door for the last 5 or 6 years.

Or take for example a box I wrapped a few years ago for Christmas. I decided to wrap the actual box and then just put the present inside. I know, this is not a new idea but I was so proud of that box. In fact it is currently sitting underneath our Christmas tree as a decoration (there are real presents under the tree too).

But those are the exceptions.

I remember when I student taught in a first grade classroom that the most overwhelming thing to me was the bulletin board. It wasn't the 20 first graders or their non-stop list of questions or emergency bathroom breaks. It was the bulletin board. What would I put on the bulletin board? How could I make it look cute and artsy? Needless to say I figured something out but I'm not sure I ever took any pictures of it -- no need to document something like that and put it in the portfolio.

Maybe that's one of the many reasons I loved student teaching in a 7th grade classroom so much. Sure, there were bulletin boards, but they didn't need to be so frilly if you will. It was beautiful, I could teach and connect with the kids and not have to deal with my underlying fear of what to do with the bulletin board.

Here's the thing though -- I want to do crafts with Vera. I want to have fun projects that we can do together as she grows up. I'm making my first attempt at making some homemade gifts "from Vera" for Christmas this year. We'll see how they turn out. And right now I have her initials in large letters to hang on her wall. The only problem is they are white and so are her walls. I have to do something with the letters to make them stand out, but what? And these are going on her wall. For at least the next 10 years (I'll let her decide what to do with them then). If they turn out looking foolish I will have to look at them for the next 10 years. As you can tell, I'm a little nervous.

I guess I can just pray that these latest endeavors turn out more like the trust rock than those bulletin boards.

wait. what?

I had a realization today.

I was holding Vera as she dozed off for a nap this afternoon and I was just thinking about how blessed I am. I thought back to last year at this time. I was well into my second week of "morning" sickness and wondering how I would make it to July. Vera was already making her place known in our family ;) And now today I get to sit and hold her while she sleeps. It's just so wonderful. I started to think about all the wonderful things that have happened in the last year and that's when I had this realization:

I am closer to 40 than 20.

What? How is that possible?

I finally celebrated my golden birthday this year. I know, golden birthdays really peak while you are in grade school, they lose a little luster once you reach adulthood. But, on October 31st I turned 31-- a birthday I remember feeling so far away when I turned 7 and other friends were celebrating golden birthdays.

But here's what happened -- hidden under the premise of "golden birthday" I turned 31. I know I'm sounding redundant, but hear me out. With all of the excitement I still carried for this birthday, I moved closer to 40 without even realizing it. I mean I still remember high school so vividly and college feels like just last year. How can I be closer to 40 than 20? I know I am obviously not that far from 29, but you get my point.

Once the initial shock was over, I realized that I'm really okay with being only 9 years away from 40 (ask me about this again in about 8 1/2 years). Don't get me wrong, I loved my 20's. But I'm loving my 30's. A lot. I love being a wife and a mom. There is always something to be done and there are no vacations or sick days (I'm really kicking myself now for leaving New Life with 18 unused sick days...). But I wouldn't trade it for anything.

31 is going to be a great year. I can just feel it.

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas

In sticking with my grand excitement for Christmas this year, we decorated for Christmas yesterday. It was so much fun! I know that in years to come it won't be quite so easy but with Vera being only 4 months old, it went about a smooth as any decorating day could go.

We got up around 7:45 -- Vera has been sleeping in lately and it's been wonderful! We had a great breakfast and played with Vera and once she was down for a nap (around 9:30) we began decorating. While she slept we got the big tree up -- the first time in years that I've had a real sized tree. We also put our little tree up in the front room so it can be right by the window. We hung stockings and set up nativity scenes, places snowmen and cute baskets, we wasted no time. By the time Vera got up all we had left to do was decorate the tree. Once she was fed she was a great little helper and just watched us decorate. By about 5:30 we were completely done and sitting down to eat some pizza and watch Home Alone.

I appreciated the ease of decorating this year because I knew it would be the last time for quite a few years that it would be this easy. But I'm also excited that next year Vera can help us with decorating. And yes, I know that Vera's idea of helping and my idea of helping will probably contradict each other. But isn't that half the fun? ;)

"i slept like a baby"

Who coined that phrase, "sleeping like a baby"? Because whoever did obviously never actually had a baby. 

Now, first let me say that Derek and I have been very blessed when it comes to having a sleeping baby. Vera has been wonderful. She had the normal waking up to eat in the middle of the night when she was first born but we never spent hours up with her during the middle of the night. It's kind of like she knew that nothing else was happening and therefore would go right back to sleep after eating. Yes, we knew then that we were blessed. And then around 6 weeks she just started sleeping for about 6 or 7 hours. It was fabulous. I never thought that I would thrive so much on 6 hours of sleep, but it was a game changer. Her 6 and 7 hour nights just kept get longer and soon she was sleeping from about 10:00 until 6:00 or 7:00. Yes, we know how lucky we are. 

I know that some people may be reading this and be thinking, "If she even tries to write about her baby not sleeping..." No, that's not what this is about. At least I don't think so. 

As all babies do, when Vera has had a few growth spurts she has had some more difficult nights of sleep. She will go down fine but then will be up at 1 or 2 and then again at 4 or so. Well last night she was up twice between 1 and 2 -- not because she was hungry, she just woke up. How am I sure that she wasn't hungry? Because I completely slept through the whole thing and Derek got up to give her the pacifier. Good grief, I felt like a terrible mom when I learned that one this morning. And then at 5:30 this morning Vera let out a cry that propelled me from bed. I went in, put her pacifier back in, turned on her lullaby cd and waited a minute or two. She seemed pretty good so I went back to our room. Of course, no sooner had I gotten into bed that she cried again. Back I went. This time worked better. But of course now it's about 5:45 and I can't sleep anymore. And that's when the phrase, "sleeping like a baby" came to mind. 

When I think of "great sleepers" a baby really isn't the first one to come to mind. 

Junior highers -- there are some good sleepers for you. I used to spend the first five minutes of class on Mondays doing weekend updates with my kids. They got a chance to share about their weekends with the class. I loved it because I could learn more about my students and it helped the kids ease back into school after a weekend and they loved it because let's be honest, who doesn't love sharing about their weekend? Anyway, these kids would share about their weekends and I was always amazed at the amount of sleep they could fit into 48 hours. 

High schoolers -- also very adept in the sleeping category. When I taught high school I had some students who could fall asleep in class on a regular basis. Now, before you think that my teaching was boring, let me say that as I shared about these "nappers" with other teachers I found that they did this in nearly every class. Once I got over my shock that they could fall asleep in class (I can say that I never fell asleep in class, even in college, it just seemed like the rudest thing you could ever do), I just let them do it -- but if they came up to ask me about something that I had explained while they were sleeping, I told them they had to ask a classmate. I wasn't going to reteach something to someone who wanted to nap during my class. 

College students. Need I say more? I remember sleeping forever some Saturdays in college. In fact, my sister, Addie, who is 22, just informed me that she slept until 2 pm on Saturday. And for no good reason either. Vera has never slept that long. 

And so, if you had a really good night of sleep -- You went to bed and fell right asleep. You didn't move positions once. You don't remember one dream you had. You slept well past your normal wake up time. Once you woke up, you took a little extra time to just lay there silently before getting out of bed. I would argue to say you slept like a college student, not a baby. 

a confession

I have a confession to make. I think I may be cheating. On Thanksgiving.

I have always held strong to the belief that Christmas excitement begins AFTER Thanksgiving. I have always gotten so frustrated at stores for bringing out their Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving (and this year even before Halloween was over? Come on!) I try not to listen to Christmas music before Thanksgiving because I feel like it makes Thanksgiving less grand. I've always been the "It's December 15th, what are we getting people for gifts?" kind of person. Not that I don't love buying things for people. It's just that times get away from me. And if I'm honest, I also have something I like to call "gift giving anxiety" -- more on that another day. And certainly, I have never once thought about decorating for Christmas until December.

But not this year.

Right now Christmas music is on, as it has been since late last week, in our house. I have already purchased Christmas gifts and today I might even get them wrapped. I almost suggested that we decorate for Christmas on Sunday -- no, not the Sunday coming up, the one two days ago. I can't wait to decorate this weekend. We are making a whole day of it on Saturday and I am so excited.

But I still can't help but feel like I am cheating on Thanksgiving. Despite all my excitement for Christmas this year, Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday. Why? I think because it's the one holiday that is just that, a holiday. There aren't any presents to buy, there is no schedule to the day, there are no fireworks to get to, it's just  a day for good old fashioned family time. It's also the only holiday that my entire Royce side of the family still gets together and there is something really special about that. I remember growing up and heading out to Grandma Royce's house for Thanksgiving. We would get there and all the tables would be set up and ready to go. Of course I would be at a kids' table but I don't think I ever minded -- we cousins wanted to be together. We would play school in the porch and when we got older my cousins Heidi and Sarah and I would bring our band instruments (oboe, clarinet and flute) and perform concerts for the family. Yes, we were that family.

There was always the Thanksgiving day walk too -- a loved tradition. We would walk down the dirt country roads, all bundled up, kicking rocks or checking to see if the creek had frozen over yet. Of course there were some years when the water wasn't even near freezing and then there was the time when a few people fell into the water. Nothing was ever dull. We would get back to Grandma's just in time to eat pie. Grandma would help us get everything we needed. She was the best. Simply the best. After eating pie and playing some games there would be the inevitable plate of leftovers from the large afternoon meal. Grandma always made sure everyone had what they needed.

Those memories of Thanksgiving will always stay with me. And maybe that's why Thanksgiving is so special to me. Sure, I love the turkey and the stuffing and the pumpkin pie. I love seeing my relatives and telling old stories and talking about new endeavors. I love the traditional Thanksgiving day walk. But I just really love what the day offers -- a chance to just be with family.

We now have Thanksgiving at my dad's but a lot of things are the same. When we get there all the tables are set up and ready to go. I still don't mind if I am at a kids' table. We no longer have any post dinner concerts -- although maybe someday Vera and Laney can play some instruments ;) We still go on the walk -- not down a dirt road, but next to the Minnehaha Creek. And although Grandma is no longer with us, I know she sees us every Thanksgiving and smiles.

With all that being said, you can guess how I might have felt when I realized I was cheating on Thanksgiving. But I think I've realized I can be excited for both. My dad and I have said for years that there needs to be some Thanksgiving music. If we can get that CD out then maybe next year I won't run into this problem.

is this what you do all day?

Before staying home with Vera I taught junior high. Say what you will about junior high kids, I feel like I often had intelligent conversations throughout my day. Whether those conversations were with my 7th or 8th graders or with fellow co-workers, they were a normal occurrence. During my 7 years as a teacher I taught a few high school classes as well (the beauty of teaching at a Christian school). One of these classes was Advanced Placement Literature, definitely deep conversations.

Well, on Saturday night my best friend came over for a girls' night. Derek was going to dinner and the new James Bond movie with his dad and a friend so I decided Vera and I would invite Auntie Mel over for girls' night. When Melissa got here Vera and I were playing on the floor. In the last few weeks Vera's personality has become so much more developed. She interacts with her smiles, her sounds, her eye contact, her body movements; it's fabulous! So Mel joined us on the floor and while we chatted I continued to play with Vera. At one point as I was making a ridiculous face and mumbling nonsense words to my daughter Mel asks, "Is this what you do all day?" And that's when I realized that days that were once filled with lessons on personification and literary analysis and character development are now filled with "booga, booga, boo" and "tickle, tickle, tickle" and "peek-a-boo." Wow. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I have a Masters degree.

But here's the thing, I love it. I know that at some point "booga, booga, boo"will change to "what letter is this?" and "what rhymes with cat?" and eventually Vera and I will sit at a computer while she writes her own literary analysis. I can't believe how lucky I am to have the opportunity to be at home each day with my daughter and watch her learn and grow. I am so blessed.

Well, back to girls' night -- Mel and I had a good laugh at how my days have changed and Vera provided some good entertainment. Once Vera went down for a little nap we watched a classic lifetime movie (fondly referred to as an LMN), made some cookie dough and just relished in the beauty of living in the same country again. After two years of "girls' night" being a skype call to China it was fabulous to sit on the same couch once again.

just write it down!

My closest friends have a nickname for me -- steel trap. I have always been able to remember just about everything. I can think back and remember what I wore on my very first day as Miss Royce at New Life. I remember what I got people for Christmas years back and I can remember what they got me. I probably can even tell a few of my friends what they got for Christmas and even what they gave. I remember every single detail to stories. I still know all the lyrics to every Backstreet Boys' song. I really call it a blessing and a curse. The blessing is obvious -- I remember everything. The curse is not so obvious -- but it's that I REMEMBER EVERYTHING. Do you know how hard it is to let someone tell a story where they have mixed up the details? It's tough.

Well, anyway, since becoming pregnant and now being a mom, something has happened to my steel trap. It's not as strong as it once was. I go into rooms and completely forget why I am there. I go to Target or the grocery store about three times a week -- and not for fun, but because I get home from a trip to one of these places only to realize I've forgotten three or four things. Things happen during the day that I think, "Oh, I have to tell Derek about that when he gets home." Only to have my memory come up blank when we are talking. And then there's this blog. I can't even say how many times in the last few weeks I've thought about writing a blog about something that happened. And what happened today when I finally had time to sit down and write? I couldn't think of anything to say.

And so I'm making a resolution (a Thanksgiving resolution?) to write things down more often. This is a hard habit to begin for someone who has spent most of her life able to just recall anything she needs. But in order to survive I think this needs to happen. This shouldn't be too hard to do either -- I've got an iphone, you would think it would be easy to just make a note on there. But if I'm honest, I'm very old school when it comes to "writing things down." I need to actually write. With a pencil or  a pen. On paper. I've even tried to use my calendar on my phone to keep track of things. I've failed. I'm putting a paper calendar on my Christmas list.

Some of the fun things that have happened in the recent weeks that come to my mind (after much thought)
-Vera rolled over once -- still waiting for the second time, but it was exciting nonetheless
-Derek threw me a surprise party :)
-I finally celebrated my golden birthday -- it took 31 years but it was worth it

There should be so many more things here but alas, this is it. (I'm pretty positive I'll remember five more things after I post this.)

Granted, I guess I still have one thing going for me -- I still remember all those Backstreet Boys' lyrics.