15 minute timer

We finally did it. We've taken the leap. There's no turning back now.

We probably could have done this sooner. I was the one dragging my feet. It just seemed so daunting.

What is it, you may wonder?

Potty training.

We toyed around with the idea of potty training Vera last summer right after she turned two. But I had a bunch of back issues related to my pregnancy. And I was hugely pregnant. And we didn't want to run the risk of her regressing once Hattie was born. And did I mention I was hugely pregnant? The idea of cleaning up accidents wasn't exactly thrilling.

Then Hattie was born. And to be honest, I was a bit relieved that I didn't need to worry about Vera peeing her pants while I was breastfeeding Hattie approximately 21 hours a day.

But now Hattie is 4 1/2 months old. And she has a pretty predictable schedule. And there were really no more excuses for not potty training Vera.

I should probably mention that she already poops on the toilet and has done so since November. So that's probably also a reason why I have been okay with taking our sweet time.

We were running low on her diapers though and I decided that it was time to just bite the bullet and jump into the land of potty training. We've talked about it with her a lot. She's peed on the toilet a few times so it isn't a completely foreign concept to her. We've had her underwear since June. It was time.

This morning Vera and I had a conversation that went like this:

"Vera, do you want to do something really exciting today?"

"Yeah!"

"Do you want to wear your...BIG GIRL UNDERWEAR???!!!"

"Ummm...no. I'm okay."

I was not prepared for this answer. I didn't know quite what to do. Anytime we've talked about potty training she's been all about it. I feared we had lost our window of opportunity. Like while I was waiting for her to wake up one morning and just know what to do she had grown tired of the whole thing and decided to stay in diapers forever.

I tried again.

"But wouldn't it be so FUN to wear your BIG GIRL UNDERWEAR and go potty in the BIG GIRL POTTY????!!!!"

"Ummm...no. My diaper is just fine. It's okay."

And that was that. I decided not to push it and instead posed the question to her again after nap. Exactly the same response. Now I really feared that I should have started this a lot sooner. What if we couldn't send her to preschool because she wouldn't potty train? I know, I know. All typical mom fears. But come on, I'm just a typical mom.

When Derek came home from work we tried again. I used my super excited voice earlier in the day but this time I really stepped it up a notch.

"Vera, should we do something REALLY SPECIAL?"

"Yeah!"

"Do you want to wear YOUR BIG GIRL UNDERWEAR??!!!!!"

"Yeah!"

Shock probably covered my face. And then I ran as quickly as I could upstairs to get her underwear. She chose an Elmo pair and from that moment the rest of our day ran on a 15 minute timer.

So far so good. Five potty attempts. Two successes. Zero accidents. But come on, it was only about two hours. There's a lot of hours tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. I'm preparing myself for whatever is to come.

monday, monday

So here's the deal: Mondays are hard. 

Weekends are a thing of beauty. Derek is home. We do things as a family. Sometimes we have donuts for breakfast. I get to take showers that are longer that 4 minutes. And then Monday arrives. 

I feel like it always takes us a few hours to get back into our groove on Monday morning. And it's because of this that I am so thankful for Monday nap time. In fact, here's just a little glimpse into our Monday this week. 

Officially this Monday started at about 3:45 am when I was feeding Hattie only to have Vera wake up and say she had to go potty. We haven't officially potty trained her yet, but if she ever says she has to go, we make it happen. So while I was still nursing Hattie I walked with Vera to the bathroom to help her go potty. Eventually we all got back into our own beds and slept until about 7:30. 

Hattie has just learned how to roll over. ANY time I put her on her back this morning, she rolled over onto her stomach. And then she would start to fuss. In fact this morning I put her in her play gym so I could get Vera set up with breakfast only to return and find that she had indeed rolled over and spit up. So she was covered in her own spit up and laying in it. We keep it classy at the Harpers. 

As is the case with many Monday mornings Vera can't quite remember how to play on her own. So whether I am feeding Hattie, making breakfast or going to the bathroom she continually requests, "please come play with me." This morning I was looking at our bank accounts online when Vera suggested that I count and she hide. I told Vera I needed to finish doing something. I finished about 5 or 6 minutes later and could hear Vera in the dining room so thought I'd go and see what she was up to. I noticed she was sitting under the table and wondered what she was doing and then I remembered we were playing hide-n-seek. I immediately began "looking" for her. 

Vera is also quite a musician. She alternated all morning between singing  her ABCs and Jingle Bells. Over and over and over and over. 

But you know what time it is now? Nap time. Hattie doesn't do a morning nap, but I am okay with that because both girls nap at 1:00. Every day. And it is my sanity. Vera usually naps for an hour and so for at least an hour everything is quiet and I can sit down and do whatever I want. And when Vera wakes up then I'm ready again. Ready to play hide-n-seek and listen to songs and roll Hattie onto her back again. 

accidental appreciation

I know we are a bit past the Christmas season, but this just happened and I have to share.

I have come to love Christmas cards. Both the sending and receiving end up being one of my favorite parts of the Christmas season. We display them on what used to be an awkward white space of wall right outside our kitchen. I keep the cards up all year to remind us of all the wonderful family and friends we have in our lives. And if there ever happens to be someone who sends us a card and we didn't send one to them, I quickly send one off in the mail.

This hadn't happened in the last few years and I thought I really had this Christmas card thing down. But then we got THE card. A card from someone we hadn't sent to. It was from our new neighbors across the street who had just gotten married and sent out an adorable card featuring pictures from their wedding. I noticed they had just put it in our mailbox -- they hadn't officially mailed it -- and I figured I would just do the same. I got the card ready and decided to put it in their box the next day.

Unfortunately I am not as skilled in just dropping something in someone's mail box.

Our neighbors were out of town for a few days and somehow all of their mail got collected by the mailman one day. And in that stack of mail was our Christmas card. The smart thing would have been to at least put their name on the card. But no. Like a fool I just wrote "Merry Christmas". I was worried it would be a lost cause.

Fast forward to two weeks ago.

Derek got home from work at night and had to park on the street because of the snow on the driveway. Our mailman was delivering the mail at the same time and he heartily thanked Derek for the Christmas card from our family. It's a good thing Derek is a quick thinker because he just went with it and replied with, "you're welcome!" Our mailman (Dave) went on to say how thoughtful it was of us and how much he appreciated it.

Then this last weekend, because Minnesota is experiencing its beautiful January thaw, I went on a walk outside. (Alone, might I add. It was quite glorious). I walked by our mailman who was on his route and I expected to exchange a cordial wave like always. What I got instead was an incredibly enthusiastic wave and smile from Dave. And it got me thinking.

I felt a little bit like a fraud because truthfully, the Christmas card was not originally intentioned for him. But goodness, if a Christmas card to our mailman -- the person who brings me all of my beloved Christmas cards during the Christmas season, the person who delivers important letters and bills, the person who pays attention to all the "do not bend" stickers and walks things up to our door, no matter the weather -- if a Christmas card to him makes his day, why have I not done this for years?

Was this more commonplace years ago? I tend to think so, but I'm not positive. But what I have decided is this: I want to make it commonplace in our house. I want Vera and Hattie growing up in an environment where we think about those around us -- not just our family and friends, but also those we encounter on a daily basis, but in a different way. Our mailman drives by our house every day and delivers our mail. He can probably guess when we have big occasions in our family. Derek and I have birthdays one day apart and I'm sure he's figured this out by now as we have quite the number of Hallmark cards in our mailbox then. Why not give Dave a Christmas card and say thank you to him for his service for the year?

So next year when I create our Christmas card list, you can bet Dave will be on it.

you cried when?

Growing up I was never one to cry during movies or TV shows. I would get wrapped up into the characters' lives and all, it just didn't move me to tears. Wait a second, I take that back, I did cry at the end of Titanic -- all six times that I saw it in the theater. That was pretty much it though.

Then I became a mom. And now I cry. All the time. 

During a Hallmark made for TV movie? Check. While reading novels? Check. During EVERY episode of Parenthood? Who wouldn't? While reading non-fiction? Check. While reading children's books? Check. During the opening sequence of "The Lion King"? Check. During a commercial that aired during the Olympics featuring Kerri Strugg's courageous vault? Double check. During the 4th of July parade when a float goes by playing "Proud to be an American"? I wept. During Sesame Street Live? Check. 

Yes, you read that correctly. I cried during Sesame Street Live. 

We took Vera to Sesame Street Live last night. My brother and sister-in-law came along as well with their daughter, Laney. Laney and Vera are best friends. Laney is 10 months older and they just love each other. I was so excited to see the girls' reactions when they saw Sesame Street characters up on stage. (Vera just refers to them as her friends). 

We met at the theater and got into our seats about three minutes before the show started -- ideal timing when you are there with two toddlers. As the lights dimmed I got so excited to watch their faces. Suddenly the stage was filled with everyone -- Bert, Ernie, Cookie Monster, Grover, Big Bird, Elmo. I looked at Vera and while she was a little overwhelmed, I could also tell that she couldn't quite believe it. And then I started tearing up. 

As my eyes pooled with tears I also started laughing, because come on, who cries at Sesame Street Live? Thankfully the laughter finally won out and no tears were actually shed, but this really brought things to a new level. When I told Derek about it on the way home - because let's be honest, I decided it best to share this news later, lest I start crying again - he asked if I was pregnant. Let me assure you, I am not. And obviously he knew that too, but it seemed like the only logical reason. 

I don't know, maybe it's growing older or maybe it's just being a mom. Whatever it is, I tend to cry a lot more now. And I think last night I was just overcome with the fact that Vera loves "her friends" and we were seeing them in person. So many things I do these days are for my children, and I'm okay with that. Don't worry, Derek and I still do things for each other, but I get so excited to do things that will bring joy for our girls. Guess what Vera got from Santa this year. Ice cream. That's what she asked for. We had a ribbon in her stocking and it lead all the way to the freezer. She was ecstatic. And it could take me much less time to bake anything if I did it alone. But Vera loves to help. When Vera's face lights up because of something we are doing, it just warms my soul. When she continues to say over and over again "I'm so excited" about something, it makes me excited too. And while I want to teach our girls that life does not revolve around them and that they don't get everything they want, I want to create memories with them. I want to share in those memories and watch their faces the entire time. And sometimes, that means I'm going to cry. 

So if I don't know you but someday you head to a story time at the library and a mom is there with her two kids and she's crying at the end of "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" there's a good chance it's me. Hand me a kleenex and say hi.

cuddle time

Is there anything better than cuddling little kids?

Vera loves to cuddle. Actually that's probably an understatement. She adores cuddling. It's one of her favorite things. Sometimes in the morning when I'm feeding Hattie, Vera will come in and when Hattie's done eating the three of us will cuddle in the chair together. We will talk about what we have planned for the day and many times Vera will look at me and say, "But first we finish cuddling." It's the best. And really it helps me slow down and remember what is important.

It really is such a gift that I get to stay home with my girls. It can be challenging, but it is so worth it. Cleaning the kitchen multiple times a day and picking up the same toys every day and reading the same books over and over again and changing diapers. It can be hard. It can be draining. It can make me feel lonely. But when those girls look at me, it's worth it. And do you know why? Because there will come a day when they GO TO COLLEGE!

I know, I know. My daughters are 2 1/2 and 4 months. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a bit. But hear me out.

Today was one of those mornings where I was so thankful that the girls nap at the same time. The day really started at 4:00 when Hattie woke up to eat. I got a little bit of sleep once Hattie went back down but it wasn't long before Vera was up and wanted to cuddle. 

Once both girls were awake they both wanted attention and there's only one me. And then Hattie pooped while Vera and I were eating lunch. I decided to get all the dishes cleaned up first and then change Hattie's diaper. When I went to get Hattie out of her chair I noticed that poop was everywhere. I took her upstairs and realized that the only remedy for the situation was to give her a bath. I called down to Vera and asked her to come upstairs and join us. Vera and I gave Hattie a bath together then I got Hattie dressed, put her in her crib and went down to the basement to wash out the poop clothes. When I got back upstairs I saw that Vera had brought nearly all of her crayons into Hattie's room, along with half of her play food. And Hattie was crying.

By the time I got them down for nap I decided I just needed some time to catch my breath. I turned on an episode of Gilmore Girls. Rory was moving into college and in the last scene Lorelai went home. Alone. And I started crying.

Someday these two precious girls will go to college and Derek and I will come home without them. There will be weekends and holidays and summers. But those mornings of sitting in a recliner in Hattie's room and cuddling with my two girls? Behind us. I'm not going to lie, there are mornings when I would love to just sit and drink a cup of coffee and stare out the window. Mornings when a certain 2 1/2 year old wouldn't rub my arm incessantly. Mornings when I didn't begin my day with spit up all over my clothes. But as cliche as it sounds, those cuddles are priceless. They are worth more than my coffee and my personal space and my clean clothes. So every chance I get, I will cuddle my girls.

i "just" had a baby

Working out is hard.

You guys, I have started the Insanity workouts. Derek and I did these together a year and a half ago and it was really hard. But this time? Nearly impossible. Today I didn't even make it through the warm-up and stretching before wondering what I had gotten myself into. Last time I had a good three months of 3 to 4 mile daily walks under my belt. I claimed to anyone and everyone that if you just "did the warm ups and the cool downs and all the stretches" that you wouldn't get sore at all. I even made Derek take cool down laps outside around the house because I felt like I could totally do a walk afterwards.

Good grief, what kind of freakish good shape was I in then?

I began Insanity on Monday night. My workout was over by about 7:45. I sat on the floor drinking water until at least 8:15. Every time I had to pick up my water bottle I was reminded of what I had started. Hattie woke up to eat at 1:00 am and I was already sore. She was then up again at 4:00. Yup, only more sore. For some reason on Tuesday I went up and down the stairs more than usual and it just got worse. As every good workout regimen goes, I didn't even work out on my second day. I blame it on having small group that night and it being too late once I got Hattie fed and asleep. You can blame it on whatever you want. ;)

Enter Wednesday night. Begrudgingly I dressed in my workout clothes. I was determined to not have Monday night just be a fluke and have all of my muscles be sore for nothing. But deep down I just wanted to put on really comfy clothes and watch some TV. I was not even done with the warm up and the stretching before texting Derek (who was upstairs putting the girls to sleep) that I had no idea why I was doing this because it was so hard. He was encouraging and told me he believed in me -- he may also have said that if I chose to never do Insanity again that he would support me too. It wasn't pretty, but I made it through. And it got me thinking.

First off, I know I "just had a baby". Granted it has been four months, but I do know that it really hasn't been too long. However, I can't believe how much muscle I have lost. Do you know how hard it is to do high knees and butt kicks when you have little to no quad muscles or ab muscles? It's hard. Like really hard.

Secondly, it's a lot more challenging to do a home workout video on your own. When Derek and I did this together it just made it easier to do. I knew he was going to be right by my side and more often than not, when I stared at the TV screen because they were describing how to do push up jacks, he was right next to me. It's just not feasible for us to workout together these days. By the time the girls are asleep it's 7:45. And beginning a workout every night at 8:00 just does not work for our schedule.

And finally, as I was crawling across the finish line of the Wednesday night work out I was thinking about dedication. For much of the beginning of a habit it's really all about dedication. How dedicated are you? Do you want to actually make this a habit? Or do you not really care?

I used to run. A lot. I completed three half marathons and ran a marathon as well. I was dedicated for the half marathons. I put the time in, ran the miles and I know it may sound odd, but I genuinely enjoyed the races. I found out that the more I ran, the more I liked it. I even looked forward to it. The full marathon was another story.

I was not dedicated. I skipped the shorter runs because really, was that five miles going to make such a huge difference in the grand scheme of things? Yes, it was. Especially when I skipped that run at least once, if not twice, a week. Fast forward to the race. Mile 18 rolled around and something happened to my knee. I walked to the medical tent at mile 20 (because I literally could not run anymore) and was pulled from the race. It was devastating. Apparently those five mile runs help to really get your body ready for running 26.2 miles all at once.

I refuse to let working out right now turn into another marathon. Instead, day by day I will take little steps to make this a habit, a part of my routine. I will put on my super fancy shorts from target and old t-shirt and lace up my shoes and do my best to keep up Shaun T and all the other ridiculously in shape people on the Insanity DVD. Because while working out is hard, in the long run it's worth it.

getting back on the horse

So it's been a little while since I last blogged. Like long enough for me to have a second baby who will be four months old on Thursday. ;)

I could make excuses about how busy we have been. And trust me, we have been. Derek has started going to grad school. I spent the better part of last winter on the couch and throwing up. Vera is in constant motion while she is awake. I should note that she naps for at least an hour every afternoon. This is huge. It took until she was about 18 months to finally get her napping well. And then, oh yeah, we had baby girl number 2 in September.

But while there have been a lot of things going on, it's just time to get back to blogging. And of course when I say "get back to", I mean it's time to start blogging. This is it kids, this time it's for real. ;)

And it's also time to get back into the habit of exercising and eating well. The holidays did a number on me this year. A real number.

On one hand, I'm still nursing Hattie so I do have *some* extra calories to eat each day. But my baby does not need all of her calories to be cookies. Last night Derek and Vera made cookies together. It was quite precious. But you guys, I ate six cookies last night. SIX. That's kind of unnecessary. I feel like an acceptable number of fresh cookies to eat is two. Maybe even three. But six? What am I? A teenage boy in the middle of football season? Good grief, no wonder I only have one pair of jeans that fit.

Right now my body is CRAVING sugar. And I made it that way. At the beginning of the holiday season I could eat one sugar cookie and feel totally satisfied and sugared out. But have no fear, I persisted in eating those cookies and built up quite the tolerance. A tolerance that led to last night's six cookies.

I'm not about to go on a cleanse or anything -- I'm breastfeeding a baby after all. But I do need to cut WAY back. I need to be more aware of what I eat -- especially because Hattie still likes eating at about 4:00 am and while I can usually get another hour of sleep after feeding her and getting her back down, I feel like a train wreck at 8:00. Revelation -- Hattie was up at 4 this morning, ate, went back to sleep. I felt horrible this morning. Maybe it was because I ate six chocolate chip cookies last night. And had a homemade chocolate chip muffin for breakfast. Wow. How could I not pick up on that sooner?

So here it is -- a journey, a documentation, a blog. Maybe I got here because of New Years. I mean who doesn't feel slightly compelled to make some sort of resolution this time of year? Maybe I got here because I just want to fit into all of my clothes again. Maybe I got here because I need an outlet during my days at home with the two most adorable girls. No matter the reason, here I am. I'm getting back on the horse. It's time to saddle up and get moving.