i "just" had a baby

Working out is hard.

You guys, I have started the Insanity workouts. Derek and I did these together a year and a half ago and it was really hard. But this time? Nearly impossible. Today I didn't even make it through the warm-up and stretching before wondering what I had gotten myself into. Last time I had a good three months of 3 to 4 mile daily walks under my belt. I claimed to anyone and everyone that if you just "did the warm ups and the cool downs and all the stretches" that you wouldn't get sore at all. I even made Derek take cool down laps outside around the house because I felt like I could totally do a walk afterwards.

Good grief, what kind of freakish good shape was I in then?

I began Insanity on Monday night. My workout was over by about 7:45. I sat on the floor drinking water until at least 8:15. Every time I had to pick up my water bottle I was reminded of what I had started. Hattie woke up to eat at 1:00 am and I was already sore. She was then up again at 4:00. Yup, only more sore. For some reason on Tuesday I went up and down the stairs more than usual and it just got worse. As every good workout regimen goes, I didn't even work out on my second day. I blame it on having small group that night and it being too late once I got Hattie fed and asleep. You can blame it on whatever you want. ;)

Enter Wednesday night. Begrudgingly I dressed in my workout clothes. I was determined to not have Monday night just be a fluke and have all of my muscles be sore for nothing. But deep down I just wanted to put on really comfy clothes and watch some TV. I was not even done with the warm up and the stretching before texting Derek (who was upstairs putting the girls to sleep) that I had no idea why I was doing this because it was so hard. He was encouraging and told me he believed in me -- he may also have said that if I chose to never do Insanity again that he would support me too. It wasn't pretty, but I made it through. And it got me thinking.

First off, I know I "just had a baby". Granted it has been four months, but I do know that it really hasn't been too long. However, I can't believe how much muscle I have lost. Do you know how hard it is to do high knees and butt kicks when you have little to no quad muscles or ab muscles? It's hard. Like really hard.

Secondly, it's a lot more challenging to do a home workout video on your own. When Derek and I did this together it just made it easier to do. I knew he was going to be right by my side and more often than not, when I stared at the TV screen because they were describing how to do push up jacks, he was right next to me. It's just not feasible for us to workout together these days. By the time the girls are asleep it's 7:45. And beginning a workout every night at 8:00 just does not work for our schedule.

And finally, as I was crawling across the finish line of the Wednesday night work out I was thinking about dedication. For much of the beginning of a habit it's really all about dedication. How dedicated are you? Do you want to actually make this a habit? Or do you not really care?

I used to run. A lot. I completed three half marathons and ran a marathon as well. I was dedicated for the half marathons. I put the time in, ran the miles and I know it may sound odd, but I genuinely enjoyed the races. I found out that the more I ran, the more I liked it. I even looked forward to it. The full marathon was another story.

I was not dedicated. I skipped the shorter runs because really, was that five miles going to make such a huge difference in the grand scheme of things? Yes, it was. Especially when I skipped that run at least once, if not twice, a week. Fast forward to the race. Mile 18 rolled around and something happened to my knee. I walked to the medical tent at mile 20 (because I literally could not run anymore) and was pulled from the race. It was devastating. Apparently those five mile runs help to really get your body ready for running 26.2 miles all at once.

I refuse to let working out right now turn into another marathon. Instead, day by day I will take little steps to make this a habit, a part of my routine. I will put on my super fancy shorts from target and old t-shirt and lace up my shoes and do my best to keep up Shaun T and all the other ridiculously in shape people on the Insanity DVD. Because while working out is hard, in the long run it's worth it.